I’m glad Riot Games is restricting its games to 18-plus, let’s bring that to the United States

Over the weekend, social media exploded when Riot Games announced an age restriction in Brazil intended to prevent minors from accessing its games. This coincided with Brazil’s Digital Statute of the Child and Adolescent (ECA), which is meant to protect children and teenagers online.

Starting March 17th, gamers in Brazil must prove they are over 18 by showing photos of official documents and completing facial recognition to avoid a total suspension of their accounts for games like League of Legends, VALORANT, and 2XKO.

Of course, gamers responded with anger. Per usual. Many felt it was a way for Riot to get sensitive personal information and documentation from its players. Sort of like how Discord did. And Discord had promised that the information would not be saved, but that promise was disproven when there was a massive data breach. Yikes.

Today, I’m not saying that I agree with Riot – or any company – wanting a bunch of sensitive information. I’m saying I don’t want anyone under 18 to play video games with me. In this argument, I hope Riot and other companies can find another way to do this. Either way, I’m simply arguing (mostly in jest) that I agree that gamers should be 18-plus.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah. I Was a Kid Once. And Nobody Probably Wanted to Play Games With Me Back Then Either, Which Is Valid

There are a few arguments for allowing kids to play games. One is the social aspect, with kids using video games to form friendships and learn teamwork outside of school. The other is the skills video games can teach, like strategy and problem-solving. The other big argument could be esports-related: kids need to start gaming early to develop the skills needed to compete at a top level.

However, here’s my counterargument: F*** them kids, and f*** you, too!

I think the idea of video game lobbies being free of kids and teenagers sounds like a dream come true. Who even likes having young teammates? The number of times I’ve had to play with an underage person who just constantly says immature things, slurs, and annoying dated brain rot is uncountable. It’s infinite. I have to constantly mute my teammates, which seems like a good solution.

But a better solution would be to have all adult teammates who actually use game comms, instead of saying “skibiddi tung tung tung sahur” followed by a racial slur.

Plus, it’s not like most tweens are good at video games. Most are just spamming stuff, wishing they could be playing Minecraft, and using their dad’s account. It may be a cute family moment when you hand your kid the headset to take over for you in a casual game of Overwatch, but it’s excruciating for anyone who wants to have legit practice matches.

You may be asking: Well, what about the teenagers who are better at video games than you? Like yes, there are plenty of teens who are better at video games than a grown adult woman with full-time work. I was also better at gaming in high school, just playing Super Smash Bros. Melee and Soul Calibur for 8 hours a day after school.

But these kids are often toxic, spamming random commands that aren’t helpful when they feel you aren’t doing enough to save them after they die from doing something dumb or constantly insulting you for not being chronically on VALORANT like they are. What do I gain from that? I’d rather play with casuals. I mean, wouldn’t both teams be casuals in theory if no kids were around? Sounds like an even playing field to me.

Sure, plenty of teens are great at video games and not toxic – and they end up in the Capcom Cup 12 and stuff. But would it really be so bad if everyone started grinding for esports careers around the same age? Again, seems like an even playing field. If they’re good, they’ll move on. If they’re not, they won’t. I’d rather watch skilled adults play a game than a child prodigy who will get bored with it later.

It’s like when you watch America’s Got Talent and the little kid who sings keeps getting pushed through. And you think: Yes, they’re good for a kid. But it’s not like I’d wanna watch them perform in Las Vegas.

And I guess we can also argue about kids’ safety. Sure, why not? If kids are not in game lobbies, they won’t be exposed to creepers and weird adults who also like to say slurs and weird sexist stuff. They won’t get added on Discord after a League of Legends match and be pressured to talk to a guy who uses terms like “kitten.” Seems like a good thing. So let’s add that to my argument.

But the truth of the matter is that I don’t wanna play video games with kids. Sorry.

Riot’s age restrictions in the United States are currently 13. So you’re still gonna get a bunch of middle schoolers who think “Ohio rizz” is still a funny, relevant joke. Like kid, we’ve moved on. We’re talking about “recessed maxillas” now. There are new jokes. Get with it.

Maybe we can just make it 18-plus everywhere. I really don’t see the problem aside from the whole info thing.