After an Injury, Diamond DeShields Had to Relearn to Walk

Basketball games are famous for their loud atmosphere. Crowds cheer, shoes squeak, and the song “Lose Yourself” always seems to play in the background. However, Chicago Sky basketball guard Diamond DeShields has recently found solace in quiet moments.

“Silence has become my friend,” the 29-year-old admits.

This wasn’t always the case. DeShields grew up in a lively environment with three siblings and athlete parents. She was immersed in the energetic chaos of sports – the sound of balls bouncing, loud announcers, and the vibrant atmosphere. Being an athlete was a fundamental part of her identity. Joining the WNBA’s Chicago Sky team in 2018 reinforced her belief that she belonged on the spirited basketball court. However, everything changed when she received the news in December 2019 that she needed to undergo a complex back surgery to remove a grape-sized tumor from her spinal cord.

As DeShields navigated a challenging recovery process and had to relearn how to walk after the surgery, she discovered the value of embracing silence. Yet, this was just the beginning of her journey.

A Nightmare Diagnosis

In December 2019, DeShields was at the peak of her career. “I had just completed my best season as a professional player – I was named a WNBA All-Star, and I was gearing up for the Olympics,” she recalls.

During a game in Italy that winter, she experienced an unexpected moment. “I jumped up for a rebound and felt a sharp pain shoot through my body when I landed,” she recounts. “I tried to keep playing, but suddenly, I couldn’t move my knees to run to the other end of the court. I walked off thinking it might be a back spasm.”

Initially, DeShields didn’t think much of the pain on the court. Since she had never faced back problems before and was about to take a break for Christmas, she didn’t worry too much. However, as a precaution, she underwent an MRI scan, and a week later, she received a life-changing phone call.

“My agent informed me that I had a tumor in my spinal cord,” DeShields reveals. “It was a shock. I was filled with questions – was it cancer? Would it be life-threatening? He advised me to return home immediately.”

The tumor was identified as a spinal schwannoma, typically seen in middle-aged individuals. DeShields soon realized that surgery was necessary to prevent severe nerve damage or paralysis, although the procedure itself posed risks of causing paralysis.

Even during the flight back home, the news hadn’t fully sunk in for DeShields. “I was somewhat delusional,” she admits. “I thought, ‘There’s no way my career will end like this. It’s not a big deal, I’ll fix it, and I’ll be back playing in a few months.'” Despite having a positive outlook, the reality of her situation hit her post-surgery.

A Tough Surgery and a “Miserable” Recovery

Upon returning to the US, what was initially planned as a three-hour surgery to remove the tumor ended up lasting nine hours. “They discovered that the nerves had wrapped around the tumor, so I was lying face down for hours,” she recalls. “When I woke up, I realized that my face was swollen, and I couldn’t move from my waist down.”

It felt like a surreal experience for DeShields. “I vividly remember staring at my big toe,” she says. “I kept trying to move it, but nothing happened. I was terrified – would I ever walk again? Was I paralyzed?”

The challenges continued post-surgery as DeShields experienced nerve damage and endured daily full-body tremors lasting up to nine hours.

The first sign of these tremors occurred shortly after the surgery when the team doctor touched her foot, triggering excruciating pain. “It felt like a million bolts of lightning,” she describes. “My fingers began tapping involuntarily, and my arm rose up. I went through intense tremors for hours, akin to the sensation of a numbed arm responding to urgent movement but with severe pain.”

The initial days following the operation were overwhelming, and the subsequent months didn’t offer much respite. Despite her initial optimism, DeShields found herself struggling with doubts and moments of despair during her recovery. The onset of the COVID-19 pandemic further complicated her progress. Despite the challenges, she remained determined to persevere and return to the basketball court.

Learning to Walk Again

During her recovery journey, the time came for DeShields to relearn how to walk. “It was frustrating,” she reflects. “I was used to moving swiftly on command, and suddenly, I was being treated delicately. When I wasn’t in my wheelchair, a nurse would secure a belt around me, making escape impossible. I felt helpless.”

Although she made progress, experiencing gratitude was challenging for DeShields. Each step forward, while significant, paled in comparison to the freedom of running on a basketball court, a feeling she deeply missed. She confesses, “Even accomplishments that deserved celebration felt inadequate. If I couldn’t run, jump, and play basketball, nothing seemed good enough at the time.”

A Return to the Court

After a year of rehabilitation, DeShields made the decision to join the WNBA bubble in Florida, where games were taking place amidst the pandemic. The camaraderie with her teammates served as a source of great comfort, even though she hadn’t fully recovered.

Recalling her apprehension during her first game back, she reveals, “That year was incredibly tough for me, and playing basketball continued to be stressful. In my comeback game, while the team warmed up, I sat in the locker room feeling anxious. Due to restrictions placed by doctors during practice, I felt limited in the game. I told my coach, ‘When I signal, take me out.’ It was a test to see if I could sustain the intensity and speed of a live game.”

Her return to the court wasn’t without challenges – even simple tasks like tying her shoes felt arduous. “I hadn’t worn sneakers for more than a few minutes post-surgery due to nerve damage,” she explains. While her performance didn’t match her past standards initially, she gradually regained sensation in her toes years after the surgery. While she has returned to a normal baseline physically, there are emotional and psychological scars that still require healing for the athlete.

Leaning on Her Support System

DeShields acknowledges the importance of her support network during her recovery, even though many struggled to find the right words. “Most people were speechless,” she states. “They couldn’t comprehend the situation.” Despite the challenges, she found solace in the unwavering support of her friends who devoted countless hours to uplift her spirit.

Connecting with individuals who shared similar experiences was invaluable for DeShields. “Finding someone who truly understands is surreal,” she remarks, highlighting her ongoing conversations with a man from the UK who underwent identical surgery. “Talking to him on WhatsApp for months and supporting him in his recovery process has been eye-opening. Many individuals have reached out to me, and I appreciate these conversations.”

Reshaping Her Identity

Beyond the physical and mental transformations post-surgery, DeShields has undergone a profound shift in her self-identity. “I always identified solely as an athlete,” she shares. “It worked when I was healthy, but relying solely on that is precarious because eventually, whether through retirement or injury, you stop playing.” Basketball had always been integral to her sense of self-worth and happiness, but following the tumor removal, she realized the need for a different perspective.

Having to confront the possibility of never playing again prompted DeShields to explore alternative interests and facets of her identity. “I had to sit with the thought of not returning to the court,” she reflects. “This forced me to ask myself, ‘If you can’t play basketball, what else are you passionate about?’ This journey of self-discovery is ongoing, presenting a lifelong mission as she seeks fulfillment beyond the basketball court. One of her current passions includes watching anime, finding inspiration in the narratives of ordinary individuals evolving into heroes by overcoming challenges.

As she navigates her personal journey, DeShields admits to glimpses of empowerment but feels she hasn’t fully embraced her newfound narrative. “I’ve had fleeting moments of that realization but haven’t fully embraced the feeling of ‘arrival’,” she shares. Embracing the process and focusing on the journey remain central in her pursuit of personal growth.

The Healing Continues

Nearly five years post-surgery, DeShields has made considerable physical progress, yet she grapples with the enduring impact of her experience on her mental health. “Before the surgery, I prioritized mental toughness and rest over mental health,” she acknowledges. “However, I’m now exploring the mental implications of my journey, which remain somewhat ambiguous.” To navigate the emotional challenges, she has incorporated various strategies, including prayer, meditation, and seeking support from friends, family, and therapists.

DeShields emphasizes the importance of surrounding herself with positivity, carefully curating her environment, and interactions to safeguard her mental well-being. Gratitude features prominently in her mindset as she vows never to take her health and life for granted, particularly after experiencing the fragility of existence firsthand.

Finding solace in silence has become a cornerstone of her healing journey. “I’ve engaged in deep self-reflection and embraced silence,” she reflects. “Now, I’m completely at ease with the quiet moments.” In these serene interludes away from the bustling court, she immerses herself in contemplation, reflecting on the extraordinary path she has traversed. “I believe there’s a reason I was made to sit still,” she muses. “It’s a chance to unravel aspects of my life. By the end of my career, I hope to inspire others to persevere during their darkest moments and resist the urge to give up.”

Molly Longman is a freelance journalist whose passion lies in sharing narratives at the intersection of health and politics.