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I’d like to apologize for my recent crankiness.
“But you’ve been cranky since 2007!”
Yes, but I’m not apologizing for that, just for the most recent crankiness that was due to a bicycle creak I was attempting to diagnose.
I removed the bars and greased the bar clamp and all the stem bolts. I snugged up the levers. I pulled the crank, I checked the bottom bracket. I removed the cassette, I switched wheels, I did everything you can possibly do, and the creak persisted…until I went back to the steering column and removed, lubricated, and replaced this thing:
That of course is a brake cable hanger, though in the disc brake era many would probably mistake it for the head of some weird insect, with the bolt being the eye and the cable cable tube being the labial palp:
Anyway, the bike is running quietly again, and I’m in such a good mood I’ve decided to take a brake from maligning all the new bikes and instead celebrate the bike industry’s many “game-changing” innovations. Yes, not a day goes by when you don’t read about at least one “game changer,” if not several. So I figured I’d take a quick survey. In no particular order, there’s suspension on gravel bikes, naturally:
And of course biplane cockpits…
…which are now discontinued, and good luck if you need a replacement.
Then there’s this Walmart bike:
Though he says it’s not a game-changer, but that the original Ozark Trail Ridge was.
This helmet from Abus is literally called the Gamechanger:
Though if it was truly game-changing wouldn’t you wear it on a different part of your body? For example, it would make a great codpiece. Just put it in your game-changing KuKu Penthouse!
Okay, I’m not certain if anyone called the KuKu Penthouse game-changing at the time, though I suspect somebody must have, and I think we can all agree it was game-changing to design a bib short specifically for men with three testicles.
Moving on, SRAM electronic shifting is obviously game-changing:
Though confusingly so is SRAM mechanical shifting:
Basically, SRAM changed the game with electronic shifting, which was no longer game-changing once the game was changed, so they had to bring back mechanical shifting in order to change the game again…right back to the original one, apparently.
Whew! That’ll make your head spin. Hopefully you’re wearing that game-changing helmet.
Oh, SRAM’s motor is also game-changing–so game-changing that Shimano “should be worried:”
But Shimano doesn’t need to be worried, because they have the game-changing BFS:
I mean it’s fishing stuff, but still:
Whenever you’re tempted to count Shimano out because SRAM came out with a new game-changing product or they’re facing an exploding crank recall or Campagnolo has managed to wedge yet another cog into their drivetrains with game-changing results, don’t forget that they have a whole other business serving a totally different group of obsessive lifestyle freaks with deep pockets and lots of leisure time. In fact I believe they’re the second-largest (if not the largest) fishing tackle company in the world. It’s like if SRAM also owned Callaway Golf:
(I told the AI to make an image for “The game-changing Callaway AXS electronic golf club set from SRAM” and here was the result.)
Oh, and yes, Shimano also had a golf business until 2004, and this is not AI:
Is it weird that I don’t even golf and yet I still kind of want that?
And this isn’t even touching upon all the stuff industry insiders have said is game-changing:
Only Tom Ritchey basically says none of it is, but in the most polite way possible:
If there was a game changer, we wouldn’t notice it, because there are so many people getting lofty ideas that everything is a game changer! We’ve lost the ability to even recognize one. From my perspective, the only thing that matters is that the uniqueness of the bicycle and its elemental components that exhibit the utility of a bicycle are there. That’s a game changer. Whatever it is that gets people into riding will be our future. Electricity will be in our future, but to the degree that we’re [riding] without electricity and that makes us feel like we’re in control and making it down the road, that is a wonderful thing.
That sure sounds like sour grapes from someone who hasn’t done anything game-changing.
Meanwhile, from game-changing to race-changing, it would appear that Remco Evenpoel’s worlds race was undone by an unintentional dropper post:
Here’s what happened:
“I hit a pothole before Mont Kigali. After that, my saddle completely collapsed,” Evenepoel told Sporza soon after the race.
And here’s a look at the game-changing S-Works Whatever he was presumably riding:
Then he changed bikes and still didn’t like his saddle position:
“I had to change bikes again,” he continued. “I was on my third bike after that, but I felt like my saddle wasn’t quite the same position. It caused quite a lot of pain in my lower back. That’s when I knew my saddle was too high.”
So he tried to adjust it with his fist:
He’s banging on that thing like a kid with a boner who’s just been called to stand up in front of the whole classroom, though according to his mechanic, everything was where it was supposed to be (saddle-wise, that is) and Evenpoel was just having a tantrum:
“We measured it three more times, but the saddle was the same height as on his other bike,” he told HNB. “We’ll find out exactly what was wrong soon, but I think it was mostly frustration.
“He lost a lot of unnecessary time because of that.”
Perhaps he should have gotten a Firefly:
Not only would it have been precise right down to the millimeter:
Starting with a rider’s precise measurements, right down to the millimeter, think of the bikes as a bespoke suit for the cycling enthusiast.
But it’s “not your grandfather’s Huffy:”
“We make high-end bikes for people who ride seriously,” said Firefly’s director of operations, Kevin Wolfson.
Make no mistake, these are not your grandfather’s Huffy.
Wait, is that a bad thing?
[Classic Cycle]
Depending on who your grandfather is that Huffy could be pretty awesome.
