Inside Out – Bike Snob NYC

It’s that time of year when even a photo taken in color looks black and white:

Though that could be less about the season and more about the fact that I suck at photography.

Nevertheless, while we may be just shy of the solstice, winter has arrived in earnest…unless you’re this guy:

[“Wait, that’s supposed to be someplace cold? I thought it was the tropics! You’re lucky a coconut didn’t fall on your head. My balls are sweating just looking at that photo.”]

Speaking of places where it’s really cold, here’s some good news out of Alaska, a.k.a. Seward’s Folly, a.k.a. Canada’s Jauntily Askew Hat:

Which is ironic because Canada is our hat:

So many hats! Who knew geography and haberdashery were so tightly intertwined?

But yes, here’s that good news:

As well as a video which includes footage of the robbery:

Happily the thieves were caught and the bikes returned, but sadly, seven years is like 150 in mountain bike years, so the bikes are now hopelessly obsolete:

Last week, Matyas picked up his bikes, which he said were in great shape, and quickly put them up for sale in his store. The nine — mostly mountain bikes — are being discounted and will come with factory warranties.

They’d better be deeply discounted indeed. I mean they don’t even have 32-inch wheels!

And yes, in case you were wondering, the 32-inch thing is definitely happening:

[The bike is so big you can’t even fit the whole thing on the computer screen.]

I’m old enough to remember when people used to say this about 29ers:

The grip was immense. It was easy to feel the lengthy contact patch when just turning the bars on tarmac climbs. But the real surprise was the traction when climbing steep, loose pitches and braking on slick mud and roots—impressive stuff for what is essentially an inner tube with knobs drawn on. Bumps and steps while climbing were dealt with fuss-free, and long sections of rough trail were similarly muted. This was truly impressive, given the bike only has 95mm of rear travel and 110mm up front.

And when people used to say this about bikes with 26-inch wheels:

Every time I jumped back onto the 29” bike, it felt nervous and more affected by the terrain in a bad way. The difference in agility was noticeable, but after acclimatising to the 32” dynamics, that deficit felt manageable. I was happy to concede that small agility loss for the 32” wheels’ positives. That said, the bigger wheels demanded textbook cornering and braking; anything less punished you with a quick drop in momentum and a wide exit. Riding blind or rushing through tight sections quickly resulted in that lost momentum.

Yep, it’s over for the 29ers. You know when cyclists say something isn’t safe? That’s the kiss of death–not because it’s true, but because then they can use it as an excuse to upgrade:

[“No, I need a new bike. This one’s not safe anymore! What, do you want me to die!?!”]

Not that I care, mind you. Sure, I may come off as a terminal retrogrouch, but if people want to ride bigger wheels then that’s fine with me. Also, it’s one thing to be a regular retrogrouch, but it’s quite another to be an indoor cycling retrogrouch:

So it’s come to this–people pining for the good old days when they just rode regular trainers:

This year, though, I’ve come to realise that I don’t want a virtual world. I just want the ease of my basic, wheel-on trainer and some simple interval sessions, but no matter what I try to do to facilitate this, I run into the same painful headaches.

I too used to ride a regular trainer in my racing days, and it’s the most tedious thing you can possibly do in your own home short of attempting to read a Thomas Pynchon novel. So while I no longer ride indoors and have no intention of doing so anytime soon…wouldn’t this be the one place you’d want as much tech as possible? I mean I can certainly understand not wanting lots of tech on your bike when you’re out doing a real ride because it can distract you from the experience, but when you’re “riding” inside there is no experience without the tech. It’s like how you don’t want a TV when you’re staring at a beautiful landscape, when there’s nothing else to look at but a bare wall it’s a virtual necessity.

But maybe I just don’t get it, and maybe Rivendell should market a trainer for the burgeoning indoor retrogrouch market:

Now that’s party pace.