Keep It Clean – Bike Snob NYC

This coming Monday is Presidents Day!

This holiday is particularly noteworthy in that nobody seems to know how to punctuate it. For example, USA Today seems to think it’s “President’s Day,” even though their very own headline explains why this is wrong:

Come on, it’s for ALL PRESIDENTS! If it was just “President’s Day” then we’d only be honoring one president at a time. I don’t know how that would work, though maybe we could spin a big wheel every year:

There’s a lotta interesting facial hair on that wheel:

Others with a firmer grasp on apostrophe usage go with “Presidents’ Day:”

Though while this is technically correct I think “Presidents Day” is probably the best choice, for the following reasons:

It’s the safe choice in that it eliminates the risk of a misplaced apostrophe

The apostrophe is possessive, but the holiday doesn’t belong to the presidents (almost all of whom are too dead to enjoy it anyway), it belongs to us!

Saves weight and is more aero

I suppose what I’m getting at is that I won’t be updating this web log on President’s’s Day, or the day after that, or the day after that, or the day after that, or the day after that. And by then it will be the weekend, and so I’ll be back here on Monday, February 24th at which point I will resume regular updates. The reason for this is that the schools are closed all next week, and so I’m taking the whole family camping at Mount Rushmore in Teddy Roosevelt’s nostril.

Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day–or Valentines’ Day if you’re polyamorous:

[Talk about wayward apostrophes…]

Yes, it’s that magical time of year when we celebrate both love and presidents, and big, big savings on cars and trucks collide.

Anyway, if you find yourself at loose ends next week, maybe you can take advantage of your idle time by learning how to clean your bike:

Is how to clean a bike something people really struggle with? This is like when Kramer didn’t know how to take a shower:

Apparently nobody ever taught him how to wash his bike, just like nobody ever taught him to…brush his teeth?

Ah, right, this is a British publication.

Apparently the main problem he’s having is that he’s never heard of gloves:

Or maybe he has, but nobody ever taught him how to put them on:

Well, hopefully he figures it out soon, because there’s nothing worse for the environment than riding a dirty bicycle:

Against my better judgment I clicked on the linked article, from which I learned the following:

So basically don’t have a home, don leave the home you don’t have, don’t do anything, and don’t eat anything. Why don’t they just come right out and tell you to kill yourself? Of course, if you do kill yourself, just make sure to do it in an environmentally friendly fashion, preferably by burying yourself alive at the local compositing site.

However, if you do selfishly insist on living, make sure to blather on about sustainability when you visit the local bike shop:

I’m sure they’ll really appreciate it:

And emailing your favorite bike brand is an even better idea, because if there’s one thing the cycling world needs it’s more smug lectures from John Burke:

Still waiting for the announcement that they’re going to stop selling EPS foam helmets and plastic bicycles.

Until then, thanks for reading and ride safe, but just make sure you do so on a clean bicycle. You know, for the planet. I’ll see you back here on Monday, February 24th.

Your’s Sincearly,

–Tan Tenovo