Rigid In My Thinking – Bike Snob NYC

Further to yesterday’s post, I didn’t realize Mick Jagger’s bike had in fact been for sale:

That’s the most exciting piece of cycling-themed celebrity memorabilia since Rosie O’Donnell’s Budnitz:

O’Donnell of course has since fled the United States (certainly one of the most inhospitable places in the world to be a well-to-do celebrity), and now lives in Ireland, where she is finally free from both persecution and Budnitzes.

But you don’t really know anything about tyranny and oppression until you’ve lived under the iron fist of the UCI, and their next draconian act could be a ban on 32-inch wheels:

I had no idea 32-inch wheels had even caught on in the first place, but apparently they’re enough of a threat to…non-giants, I guess?…that a ban may be coming:

Multiple industry sources have confirmed to Escape Collective that the UCI is actively considering a new mountain bike wheel size rule that would cap sizes at the current 29″ standard, effectively banning the emerging 32″ format before it can take hold in elite competition.

According to those familiar with the matter, the proposal is still in an exploratory phase, but indications are that it will follow the same pattern as recent rule changes on handlebar width, rim depth, and gear ratios: a period of quiet sounding-out, followed by formal implementation. 

I for one celebrate the impending ban, for two reasons:

Racing isn’t real life, sports have gazillions of rules, and if you’re an athlete then obeying a bunch of arbitrary decisions is what you signed up for, so deal with it. And everyone else is free to ride whichever goofy-ass bike they want anyway, so who cares?

I’m automatically against anything that’s new and when it comes to bike stuff I say ban it first and ask questions later:

In fact, the UCI should have banned the mountain bike back in the ’80s. If they had the world would have been much better off. Sure, mountain bikes seemed harmless enough at first, even when the Euros got into the act:

But now look at them:

Buncha watermelon-humpers.

Look, obviously people would be humping watermelons with or without the UCI (in fact if it wasn’t for the UCI it would probably be impossible to buy a hardtail, though I’m not sure even the pros race those anymore), but what the hell did they need mountain bikes for in the first place, anyway? There was already a form of offroad bicycle racing, and it was called “cyclocross:”

Come on, look at that beautiful picture! We really didn’t need mountain bikes at all, let alone gravel bikes. It was all right there! I mean what are we even doing here, anyway?!?

Also, the perversion of the bicycle that is the modern mountain bike is unique in the world of sporting-type cycling in that it is a bicycle that really doesn’t want to be a bicycle. Even a space-age road bike doesn’t do anything fundamentally differently than an old road bike:

The materials have changed, the braking surface has moved closer to the hub, and the derailleurs are remote-controlled, but it’s still just a diamond frame and a pair of wheels. Whether you’re wearing a wool jersey on a steel bike or a PNS Mechanism on a plastic one you’re basically engaging in the same activity:

The mountain bike however went from something robust and simple to a telescoping, undulating, articulating Mars rover-type contraption that becomes obsolete after like two years:

Like seriously, these mountain bike people will warn you about riding bikes from five years ago:

If you’re in the market for a bike that’s much older than 2020, it will generally have noticeably different geometry and handling compared to a new equivalent, and the further back you go, the bigger the gap will be.

Though they will charitably acknowledge that it’s possible to ride a bicycle from waaay back in 2015:

Just because a bike has been around a while, that doesn’t mean it needs to be replaced to experience up-to-date handling. Take my other half’s 2015 Mondraker Foxy (above). With a 160 mm fork (up from the 140 mm stock fork), a -2 degree headset and the saddle slammed fully forward on the seatpost, its key numbers (reach, head angle, wheelbase, effective seat angle) aren’t far off what you’d find new in 2024. Sure, it still has non-Boost axles, a pair of 27.5″ wheels and abominable cable routing. But as far as handling goes, it’s solid. Throw in an upgraded shock, tires and brakes and it still very much does the business.

Of course that article was from 2024, so who knows if any of it is still true.

By the way, the same site has a press release on a new bike from Sklar:

Nice of them to share a non-suspension bike made of metal I guess, but the comments from the indignant Watermelon Humperati broke what was left of my brain.

What can I say, I guess I have weird taste in bikes:

Despite my three enjoyable days on ol’ Pinky, returning to the sprightly yet sumptuous Roadini made me realize that taking that bike instead of this one on vacation with me would be crazy.