Too Hot To Handlebar – Bike Snob NYC

Hot.

Too hot type.

I know what you’re thinking. “Hot?!? That’s not hot! Hot’s when I can grab my frame tubes and rotate them in the lugs.” At least so says the hot weather equivalent of this guy:

Not sure who that would be, but maybe it’s Smart Hydration Pack Guy:

Seems like that system is one glitchy app away from waterboarding you.

As for me, I’m sweating it out, and I’m pleased to report I’ve now officially reached the intimate “favorite jeans” phase with the Roadini:

[Photo taken about eight weeks and thirty degrees ago.]

Like my favorite jeans, the Roadini is always close at hand, and I often just grab it without giving much consideration to the rest of my wardrobe. Also like my favorite jeans, I never wash it. Hopefully it can withstand my famously corrosive sweat, which welded my erstwhile Artisanal Singlespeed’s stem to its steerer tube and required me to repaint the Milwaukee:

Of course, the carbon fiber equivalent of Minnesota Humblebrag Guy and Smart Hydration Bike Guy would just tell me to get a plastic bike already, because the one thing riders of carbon fiber can be smug about is that their bikes don’t rust:

That’s the AI’s take on “Smug Carbon Fiber Bicycle Guy,” by the way. It’s getting better. I’d say it still got the handlebars wrong but I could totally see Canyon coming out with something like this:

And no, the left hand is not an AI-generated error, that’s Canyon’s new rear-mounted drop-bar specific bar end. They’re calling it the Reverse Cowboy, and it’s only compatible with the new wireless shifter from SRAM:

SRAM have gone to great lengths to improve the ergonomics of the brake fluid reservoir on their road and gravel levers, and so far early reviews indicate that the new DILDO (Direct Integrated Liquid Delivery Output) hydraulic braking system feels great in the hand. Initially it was supposed to come out last season, but SRAM had to do a complete rebrand when they learned that their initial name for the lever, “PNS Mechanism,” was already taken:

Rumor has it the next-generation DILDO lever will include smart hydration technology, which will allow you to use a SRAM AXS Wireless Blip to deliver a spurt of fluid directly to your face.

As for carbon fiber bikes, how does this one grab you?

That’s an Ibis DV9, size L, and it’s for sale:

Even though my perspiration is perhaps the closest liquid on earth to a universal solvent, I am partial to steel bicycles. But I’m also a rigid all-terrain bicycle enthusiast, and this is a very nice rigid all-terrain bicycle that has not seen a lot of use:

It’s also shockingly light. (I mean I ride a Jones LWB, so my idea of a “shockingly light” mountain bike is relative, but still.) I don’t care about bicycle weight until I handle a really light one, sort of like how I have no interest in desert until you put some in front of me:

Anyway, like every bike my friend owned it’s mostly no-nonsense:

Though it’s got some fancy stuff where it counts:

If you’re interested drop me a line:

Maybe one day I’ll see you out there passing me on this thing.