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Spare a thought for the hard-pressed Germans:
Forced to buy lowly bicycles instead of cars:
Oh, the humanity!
Meanwhile in the Netherlands they’ve perfected cycling for humans so now they’re moving on to dogs:
“If a dog could design a bike seat, this is what it would look like,” claims the narrator:
This is completely untrue, and I have a schematic for a bike seat drawn by an actual dog to prove it:
[It just clamps onto the handlebars if you’re wondering.]
Dogs prioritize food, comfort, and waging eternal war against their sworn enemy the cat, in that order. Sadly this product never made it into production, though it did get the dog a job as an engineer at Lockheed Martin.
As for the United States, a.k.a. Canada’s hairy dog bed, unlike those hard-pressed Germans we soft-middled Americans always find money in the sofa cushions to spend on cars:
And unlike the Dutch we’re not really comfortable cycling with our pets because we’re too preoccupied with helmets–for them:
Canine access to quality bicycle helmets has long been one of the biggest problems facing our society, if not the entire world, but our best and brightest are hard at work on solving the problem:
In the meantime, fortunately cat helmets are readily available:
The eternal war between dogs and cats has taken an enormous toll in lives but has also yielded some tremendous technological advancements.
Speaking of bicycle accessories, when the hell was someone going to tell me the Rev-X is back?!?
And it even has an ACTIVE TURBULATOR!!!
“What the hell is an active tuburlator?,” you’re probably wondering.
Well, it’s this:
So basically some bumps. This may or may not be the same concept as those Zipp wheels that used “biomimicry” and were modeled after a humpback whale’s pectoral fins:
Cycling may be a terrestrial activity, but more than any other element–even gravel–cyclists are obsessed with air. Either we’re trying to get our bikes to pass through it as smoothly as possible, or else we’re fretting over how much of it we have in our tires. So we ride around on whale fin wheels with self-inflation systems:
The device is called the GRAVAA:
And I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks it’s about time someone invented a pair of wheels you have to charge:
Between this and your power meter and your electric drivetrain and your electric dropper post you’ll need to carry a list of all the batteries and charging ports on your bike because there’s no way you’ll remember them all. It’s like trying to remember where you put all the roach baits in your kitchen.
If we could work out a way to channel the air flow around the rim directly into the valve then we’d really be onto something.
Finally, I am a firm believer in free speech, but I’m no longer sure it should apply to bike reviews:
There really ought to be a law, because no language deserves this sort of abuse, not even English:
Oh, the humanity.
